Love and Marriage
If another person asks me when I’m getting married, I’m either going to scream or punch them in the face.
Okay, maybe I’m bluffing (just maybe).
But I guarantee you I will get really, really annoyed.
I might even tickle (long story…that’s what I do to The Boy when he annoys me).
I’ve been socializing with some girls lately, which I’m enjoying for the most part. They’re generally nice and supportive - trust me, they’re on my Potential Friend radar. But seriously, this issue will not die. So for the sake of avoiding developing an ulcer, I’m going to vent about it. I know this might come across as mean-spirited, but…I think I have some good points at the end.
Last week: "We need to work on you and get you thinking about getting married."
"Umm, I plan on getting married."
"When?"
"2008, maybe June."
(Collective rolling of the eyes. Literally)
This week:
"So, is the engagement talk a source of pressure?"
"Well, yeah, kind of."
"For you or for him?"
"For both of us."
"You think you’re too young?"
"Well, for me, yes. I’m 23, he’s 22. We have a plan, you know, and things will happen when we’re ready for them to happen."
"Well, I was 19 when I had my first child."
"And of all the married people I know, the ones who got married youngest were in their mid-20s…like 26. And I want to figure some things out first, like whether or not I’m going to law or graduate school."
Two minutes later:
(I start joking about Matthew’s lack of sleep. I finish my story, everyone laughs).
(One woman picks up my left hand) "I’m just waiting for this."
(I am completely confused) "Hitting?"
"No. An engagement ring."
I think this is an official encouragement of punching faces. Good Lord.
Funniest things about it are: (1) as soon as we get engaged, I will be nagged about when the wedding is, which will be, in everyone’s opinion, too long after the engagement. To which I should reply, "have you seen Whose Wedding is it Anyway? I’ll need 6 months just to avoid a nervous breakdown." And then 3 months after that I’ll be nagged about popping out some babies. (2) For people all about following God’s plan, they sure are pushy about things that seem right to other people. (3) Um…yeah…all of their first marriages at 19 and 20 didn’t work so well, did they?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this, obviously. And we are so wired to check off things on the Life Resume. Graduate High School - check. Graduate College - check. Get a job - check. Get Married. Buy house. Have children. But not only is this unhealthy because - hello!? - Things Don’t Always Work Out, but because some of those things shouldn’t be on The Life Resume. The graduation thing and job thing and house thing I can justify having on The Life Resume - they’re goals. But marriage and children? Those involve Other People. Other People can’t be goals, but partnerships to help you reach your goals. Or with children, products of a partnership. But once you start getting your self worth or your fulfillment from Other People, you set yourself up for trouble. Other People have personalities. Other People move away from home (yes, Mom, I’m talking to you). Other People, well, die.
It’s so hard not to be nagged about this issue continually and then not come home and nag The Boy. But I know if I start to do that, at the very least it will ruin all the fun!
And fun I plan to have. Starting with some long tickle sessions.
