Terror By Night
After another long night with the S.E.A.L. (seriously, my foot hurts - I think I landed on it funny), I’ve decided to implement the S.E.A.L. Threat Advisory System.
LOW: Low threat level. Marked by an absence of screaming. Further description would be inaccurate since this level has not yet been experienced.
GUARDED: General risk of attack. Marked by the appearance of joviality, including smiling, which is replaced by disparaging remarks without warning.
ELEVATED: Significant risk of attack. Marked by a stern appearance, heavy use of the rhetorical question, “Hello?”, followed by accusations that one is not paying attention.
HIGH: High risk of attack. Marked by taunts, mocking, and corrosion of self-esteem. Claims legs are never high enough, splits are never low enough, beats are never clear enough, and balances are never steady enough.
SEVERE: Severe risk of attack. Marked by significant screaming, followed by shame-inducing sighs of utter disappointment. Consistent requests to “do it again.” And again. And again.
