La Meridionale Ballerina

More awesome wedding theme ideas!

I’ve recently taken up golf.  More like The Fiancé is teaching me to golf as I’m trying to pick sand out of my shoes and fantasize about what cute golf outfits I would buy (like pink and white golf shoes with a white skirt and a cashmere pink and blue argyle sweater vest over a blue polo).  While this is great time spent together, I find nothing romantic about getting on the green in three strokes and then cursing as you miss six putts in a row.  Or, when asked what you shot on a hole, you can only reply with a sigh and, "whatever twice par is."  Or trying to hit a ball out of a sand trap and up a hill only to have it ricochet back and hit you full force in the shin.

I’m not very good.

The Fiancé has mentioned that he thinks golf tees are a great wedding favor (customized golf tees if we want to splurge).  Wonderful though golf tees are, they would be considered as useful as oversized toothpicks to everyone at our wedding except me, The Fiancé, and the best man (Putt Putt World Champion, 1994). 

What we haven’t discussed is the possibility of having a golf theme:

GOLF

For avid golfers, a reception centered on the theme of golf can add a little light-hearted fun to the wedding. For table numbers, use flagpoles like the ones found on a course to designate the number hole. Each table could have it’s own "hazard". A centerpiece of large, shallow vases filled with water and some floating blossoms can be a water hazard. And a sand trap can be created with a few oblong-shaped trays filled with sand. Provide guests with a scorecard and a golf scoring pencil, and invite them to share their thoughts on the wedding, and write a personal note to the newlyweds. The cards can take the place of the traditional guest book sign-in. For favors, give something everyone can use, like a golfer’s key chain. As the couple leaves the reception, send them off with a saber arch like they do in military weddings, but instead of swords, make an arch of golf clubs.

While we’re at it, we could have the groomsmen wear plaid knickers.  Bridesmaids could wear those knit berets with yarn pom poms in lieu of carrying flowers.  The vows could involve spouts of random cursing for authenticity (tantrums that end in the throwing of golf clubs option).  Guests could be transported to the reception via golf carts that come precariously close to tipping over as they try and avoid shots from the driving range.  Bawdy references could be made by vodka and tonic-laden guests about our honeymoon plans (at Pebble Beach, of course) and "getting a hole in one" (har har!).  And, of course, all printed materials, from Save-The-Dates to invitations to programs to escort cards can let everyone know we plan for this marriage to last "Fore-ever!"

Maybe I’m just unappreciative of the romance in all of this.   

(I especially love the "arch of golf clubs."  I just….I mean…what is that?)

I present to you the unlikely results of a search for bridal accessories on Ebay:

Never have I seen, nor expected to see, the words "sexy" and "tube socks" in the same sentence.

I suppose…if your feet get cold at night…these would be good for a honeymoon? 

Nah.  Not even that explains it.

(Bonus: check out this trés sexy "how to wear it":

So hot.)

Bebe.  Remember when it was cool?  Remember when that one member of the cheerleading team showed up with a sparkly shirt that said Bebe on it and everyone wanted to buy clothes from there, but then didn’t because they went to the store and realized all their shirts cost $60 and up and that was way more than high school allowance?

Well, I decided to go shopping last night and somehow found myself in Bebe.  This was after a failed attempt at finding wearable clothing anywhere else.

(All I want is a cute shirt to go on dates in, people.  That’s all I want.  Just a nice, cute shirt.)

First off: all their shirts look exactly the same.  Exactly the same.  Poufy sleeves, button-down.  Variations include satin poufy sleeve button-downs, long poufy sleeve button-downs, poufy sleeve buttondown dresses, and poufy sleeve button-downs with a sweater vest attached.

As they would say on Project Runway (love it!), "Bebe, we’ve seen this shirt before.  Where’s the innovation?" 

Not that there’s anything wrong with this shirt style, per se.  It’s just that, as much as I love retro-inspired looks, I don’t actually want to look the Girl from the Wrong Side of the Tracks Who Flirts with All the Boys Even if They’re Going Steady at the Soda Shop.  Also, this look might require red lipstick, which looks awful on me.

So I say, fine, I don’t want to buy a shirt even though that’s what I came to the mall to look for.  I’ll look for something else.

Like this oh-so-practical number:

This is from their Glamour Satin Suiting collection.  That’s right - suiting.  This particular number is the Glamour Satin Bustier dress.  You know, for the corporate hooker.

(Seriously, where on earth would you wear that?  With the blazer and the gloves?)

Sheesh.  What a joke.  And this stuff still costs more than my allowance.

R.I.P., Steve Irwin

This really has me so upset.  Talk about job hazards.